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The past week has been a challenging one for me. Melancholy crept in on the weekend of the 7th and a forced isolation was the best way I could manage emotions that I didn't yet clearly understand. I knew my birthday was around the bend, but facing another year doesn't usually impact me this way. It has been several months since I have written on this blog or recorded a YouTube message, but like the Beatles sang, I am working eight days a week. My two businesses are keeping me busy and that's okay. Taking time for messaging has unfortunately proven less of the priority. But a week of melancholy is not the usual for me anymore. Impending birthdays and retrograde planets don't generally impact me to this extent. A time out from the extraneous chatter was necessary to focus on what was subconsciously bothering me. And despite self care being an important priority, I did kick the can as long as I could because of other responsibilities more important than me. Sound familiar??
It was on the treadmill, within my song playlist, where the answer to my sadness revealed. Thank you to the late George Michael with his 90's music inspired by his own personal challenges. The words hit me quite literally like a brick, "... some mistakes were built to last." Midway through his song titled Freedom clarity began. I have spoken about it before. I wasn't an intended pregnancy, nor was I celebrated. In my book Starseed, I discuss a small portion of the drama that was my conception. I have processed being an unwanted child and am able to empathize with my parents and other caregivers for what they must have been experiencing during this time in their lives. I have experienced times of regretting being born because of the pain I caused and the changes that were inevitable after my birth. In my spiritual development I have released much trauma, past karma, pain through my healing practices and through an innate belief in every soul's mission and purpose; mine included. But, periodically melancholy will return and a refresher is required.
In this new year, 2022, there is much to celebrate. My family remains healthy. My businesses remain open. My love for community continues to grow. Yet, deep sadness returned one week from birthday #55. The post-mortem of why began to reveal within those impactful words, "...And some mistakes were built to last." And in that moment I recalled a conversation earlier in the week between friends that experienced personal adoption and they were either struggling with decision or curious about their birth tribe. It is such a natural curiosity and one that is easy to understand. Every adopted person I have known at some point considers the decision of whether or not they pursue it. And it is a decision that brings with it potential knowledge that can not be unlearned. It seems that something unresolved within me triggered during this conversation. The fact that I live with the sequelae of being unwanted daily, without the adoption process was once again front and center in my consciousness. It was painful and despite my best spiritual practices, it hurts. But, the message that revealed was a clear reminder for me how the amazing spiritual guides that work with us provided me with not only the reason why I felt blue, but also the link to a video that I recorded in the spring of 2021 which I needed to hear again for my own personal healing. Each soul brings something to universal table. Each soul, chose to be here regardless of the circumstances they arrive in. I dare say that those following Light take on some serious challenges as part of their purpose for being.
I am re-sharing the video I recorded in spring 2021. Take time for your self care and honor the days of melancholy as much as the days of joy. Stand in your incredible strength and celebrate the words of George Michael, "when you shake you ass, they notice fast. And some mistakes were built to last."
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