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  • Writer's pictureDr. Stacey Lamar

Coping with Loss

The recent passing of my mother-in-law has renewed my visceral understanding that time is infinite, but human life is not. Loss of loved one can be painful as the stages of grieving reveal.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression identified by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross decades ago eventually lead to Acceptance, but not necessarily without the mixing of the sequencing and the possibility of becoming stuck in one of the stages. Coping with loss is complicated. Frankly, it sucks.

But, it is in our faith that we seek an understanding that transcends our human rational brain. It is in our faith that we must enter the esoteric or unknown. Introducing the spiritual brain. For many, a part of self that is largely under-appreciated. Unfortunately, for many faith is only considered during a time of loss. But, better late than never. In my opinion. In death, the clichés are many, but the sadness is real. As I say goodbye to a woman that I have known for nearly thirty years, the truth is I barely knew her at all. True to her generation, her experiences remained private. The nuances that made her unique were kept within her soul with perhaps only a precious few in the know.

My mother-in-law, Jacqueline Nevers, gave birth to my husband and despite the mixed reviews we give our parents, she did good. He has integrity a characteristic that is unfortunately disappearing in this harsh world. In my opinion. She and her husband, the late Stanley Nevers, were able to parent four children that would become honest, hardworking, decent people trying. To me this is a legacy that tops all the money and academic honors earned. Integrity is priceless. So, thank you Jacqueline and Stanley. You did good! You are missed, but we will see you on the other side.

As for Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, thank you for helping humanity understand the processes of our emotions during times of grief. It is in this we know our suffering will end and the sunshine will return.



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